|Editors Note: I
forwarded to my friends a "powerful" response to a
derogatory letter about black women. The response was NOT
written by me . I wish I had written it because it was truly
powerful and heartfelt. Apparently, many of you felt the
same because you have been forwarding the letter to your
friends. Unfortunately, in "cleaning up" the email
someone took off the information from me indicating that I
was forwarding it and left my signature on the very bottom.
Consequently, people have calling me with heartfelt thanks.
. . those thanks should go to Elayna A. Monts, Executive
Director of TRIPP (mailto: firstname.lastname@example.org
. If you forward the original message PLEASE forward this
one so that sister Elayna can be given her
proper recognition. Thanks. Vernellia Randall
Jamie Foster Brown
SISTER 2 SISTER MAGAZINE
9301 Annapolis Road
Lanham, MD 20706-0311
Dear Ms. Brown:
An email has been circulating the net with a letter
written to you and published in your newsletter. I joined in
on the discussion and, much to the surprise of my sisters,
responded to the writer. With much prompting by the sisters
I am forwarding my response to you for your information.
I only ask that should you publish my response, you
inform me so that I may purchase a copy of the issue.
Peace Be With You,
Elayna A. Monts
Original "Derogatory" Email
I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your
Black male readers.
I am a White female who is engaged to a Black
male--good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't
understand a lot of Black females' attitudes about our
relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the
pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said
they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too
argumentative, too needy, too materialistic and carrying too
much excess baggage.
Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was
constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine
me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms
about us being with their men, why don't they look at
themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty
looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public.
I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are
so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumble just left
his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie
Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy
Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier,
Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy,
Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes...I could go on
But right now I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote
this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because
so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and
learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better.
If I'm wrong, Black men, let me know.
Ms. Mont's Response
I was recently sent this email and I also am a bit
enraged.....however I am not angry with Black Woman, but by
the arrogance of the writer, therefore this email is written
as a response directly to her.
Dear White Woman (like me),
I guess you are angry, unfortunately or fortunately, your
anger is baseless. I too am a white woman who has been
blessed with a man of color and beyond blessed with a son of
color. However, unlike you, I have no animosity toward my
sisters of color. I hope what I am about to say educates you
with information that will pull your head up out of the sand
and humble your arrogance at the same time!
Oh believe that I wish that we all lived in a world that
was not race conscience, but we do. I wish that I could take
five minutes to shake a fraction of sense into those who,
like you, extract a teeny portion of reality from life, from
it paint a self-serving picture by ignoring factual
information and go through life with blinders on. Doing so
only creates a false sense of superiority evident in your
The facts are clear! On this totem pole of Amerikkkan
life, the Black Woman has been forced to live hers as close
to the bottom as white Amerikkka can keep her, yet she
blossoms. She is considered last for employment
opportunities, yet she is employed. Last for housing, yet
maintains a loving home. She has been misused and abused by
society, rejected and dejected by ignorant on-lookers, such
as yourself and that "man" you have, and despite
continued efforts to thwart her advancement, she advances.
How many lil white Miss Anne's could make such a claim?
I'm happy for you...you found what you deserve, a man who
apparently is able to look beyond his mother, sisters and
grandmothers and misinform you as he has. In addition, this
man who feeds you swill as if edible food, dismisses his own
future because believe me Miss, should you and this
"good-looking, educated, and loving man" produce a
female child she will, in THIS society, grow up to be a
BLACK WOMAN who will carry with her all the historical
tribulations of her foremothers. Don't kid yourself into
believing anything less! Given your understanding/feelings
about Black Women, I see much time spent with a therapist in
your girl-child's future. Fact is, I would hope that few
women, black or white would be as blind to this man's
interior as you are smitten by his exterior. Who in their
right mind would want a man that disrespects his history as
boorishly as yours?
It is only tooooooo clear that you base your
"argument" on your man's opinion alone. After
reading your statement/belief that Black Women are "too
fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too
materialistic and carrying too much excess baggage", I
can only come to the conclusion that you really DON'T know
any Black Woman. In fact, Black woman have a sense of
strength that we will never be able to understand or achieve
simply because our whiteness (protection in this society)
prevents us from being forced to develop that kind of
strength. They are loving, kind, caring with a sense of
commitment to family that white woman can only dream of
achieving. The white family never had the "stick-to-it"ness
of a matriarch such as the Black Woman...ohhhhhh nooooo as
history would have it...we left raising our families to the
same Black Women that you abhor. IF anything, we should be
thankful in that whomever we have become as a nation, we owe
They are beautiful ebony diamonds that we break our necks
to emulate all summer long, day after day, hour after hour
sunning ourselves only to lose that hue to cold shadowy days
or skin cancer, while they maintain that sweet ebony tone
gifted by God alone. Ohhhh but we try nonetheless!!!
The real deal is, my life wouldn't have any semblance of
meaning nor be complete without the strong friendships and
patient teachings afforded me by every Black Woman whom I
have been blessed to know.
In fact, I dare suggest that the "wonderful"
man you claim to have, may be book smart but is life stupid.
I further suggest that his "slim pickings" belief
is a blessing to every Black Sister on the planet in that he
is misled by his own stupidity. I also noted that your very
first description of him was not that he was God-filled,
loving, kind, or even educated but "good looking"
and, in my opinion, that gives us a clue as to your
priorities in life. Relationships should be built on an
agape love...yes, beyond race and within soul. I dare say
you and your intended have what appears to be a
foundationless relationship and I fail to believe that there
is one single Black Woman who would be envious of that!
I also find it interesting that you state that Black men
wined and dined and gave you the world and go on to say that
Black Women should change themselves to gain those same
benefits. What a whitewashed fantasy you live in! The fact
is, from early on in the history of Black Women in this
country, Black Sisters have had to endure and survive
tribulations that should compel the likes of us white women,
to view them in the highest regard, yet it is evident in
your letter that we don't.
You speak from the pedestals of our sheltered lives. You
sit there in all your ignorant "glory", too far up
there on the white man-made pedestal of life, that began
during the plantation days and continues through modern day
times, and dare exude arrogance as if you are someone? Wake
up, dear woman, come down off the pedestal and take a real
look at life. Not recognizing the tribulations endured by
Black Women should fill you with shame . Instead you
chastise them for their courage. The strength of Black Women
should manifest admiration and respect from you as our lack
of experience has hindered us from ever knowing the potency
of that strength!
You ask what is so appealing about us? In fact, you beg
for reinforcement of your own insecurities when you ask to
hear 'why you are so appealing' from Black Men. Foolish
woman!!!! The appeal is that white woman, without the
education FROM our Black Sisters, demand far less of and for
ourselves than they do. Believe this...WITHOUT them and
their guidance, we become you.
I too am angry, but my anger stems from your arrogance.
Wake up my dear, get a real grip on reality. Better yet, GET
GOD and get humbled. Step down out of the clouds and
realize, as you smugly look down on the world....the higher
up you believe yourself to be, the lonelier and more painful
the fall to reality is. Believe me when I say, your reality
check will come during your lifetime....through your
Elayna A. Monts