A Response from One White Woman to Another
Elayna A. Monts
Executive Director, Tripp

Original Message

Jamie Foster Brown
SISTER 2 SISTER MAGAZINE
9301 Annapolis Road
Lanham, MD 20706-0311

Dear Ms. Brown:

An email has been circulating the net with a letter written to you and published in your newsletter. I joined in on the discussion and, much to the surprise of my sisters, responded to the writer. With much prompting by the sisters I am forwarding my response to you for your information.

I only ask that should you publish my response, you inform me so that I may purchase a copy of the issue.

Peace Be With You,
Elayna A. Monts
Executive Director
Tripp

Original "Derogatory" Email

Dear Jamie,

I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers.

I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male--good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Black females' attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic and carrying too much excess baggage.

Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public.

I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumble just left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes...I could go on and on.

But right now I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Black men, let me know.

Ms. Mont's Response

I was recently sent this email and I also am a bit enraged.....however I am not angry with Black Woman, but by the arrogance of the writer, therefore this email is written as a response directly to her.

Dear White Woman (like me),

I guess you are angry, unfortunately or fortunately, your anger is baseless. I too am a white woman who has been blessed with a man of color and beyond blessed with a son of color. However, unlike you, I have no animosity toward my sisters of color. I hope what I am about to say educates you with information that will pull your head up out of the sand and humble your arrogance at the same time!

Oh believe that I wish that we all lived in a world that was not race conscience, but we do. I wish that I could take five minutes to shake a fraction of sense into those who, like you, extract a teeny portion of reality from life, from it paint a self-serving picture by ignoring factual information and go through life with blinders on. Doing so only creates a false sense of superiority evident in your message.

The facts are clear! On this totem pole of Amerikkkan life, the Black Woman has been forced to live hers as close to the bottom as white Amerikkka can keep her, yet she blossoms. She is considered last for employment opportunities, yet she is employed. Last for housing, yet maintains a loving home. She has been misused and abused by society, rejected and dejected by ignorant on-lookers, such as yourself and that "man" you have, and despite continued efforts to thwart her advancement, she advances. How many lil white Miss Anne's could make such a claim? Please!!!!!

I'm happy for you...you found what you deserve, a man who apparently is able to look beyond his mother, sisters and grandmothers and misinform you as he has. In addition, this man who feeds you swill as if edible food, dismisses his own future because believe me Miss, should you and this "good-looking, educated, and loving man" produce a female child she will, in THIS society, grow up to be a BLACK WOMAN who will carry with her all the historical tribulations of her foremothers. Don't kid yourself into believing anything less! Given your understanding/feelings about Black Women, I see much time spent with a therapist in your girl-child's future. Fact is, I would hope that few women, black or white would be as blind to this man's interior as you are smitten by his exterior. Who in their right mind would want a man that disrespects his history as boorishly as yours?

It is only tooooooo clear that you base your "argument" on your man's opinion alone. After reading your statement/belief that Black Women are "too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic and carrying too much excess baggage", I can only come to the conclusion that you really DON'T know any Black Woman. In fact, Black woman have a sense of strength that we will never be able to understand or achieve simply because our whiteness (protection in this society) prevents us from being forced to develop that kind of strength. They are loving, kind, caring with a sense of commitment to family that white woman can only dream of achieving. The white family never had the "stick-to-it"ness of a matriarch such as the Black Woman...ohhhhhh nooooo as history would have it...we left raising our families to the same Black Women that you abhor. IF anything, we should be thankful in that whomever we have become as a nation, we owe to them!!!

They are beautiful ebony diamonds that we break our necks to emulate all summer long, day after day, hour after hour sunning ourselves only to lose that hue to cold shadowy days or skin cancer, while they maintain that sweet ebony tone gifted by God alone. Ohhhh but we try nonetheless!!!

The real deal is, my life wouldn't have any semblance of meaning nor be complete without the strong friendships and patient teachings afforded me by every Black Woman whom I have been blessed to know.

In fact, I dare suggest that the "wonderful" man you claim to have, may be book smart but is life stupid. I further suggest that his "slim pickings" belief is a blessing to every Black Sister on the planet in that he is misled by his own stupidity. I also noted that your very first description of him was not that he was God-filled, loving, kind, or even educated but "good looking" and, in my opinion, that gives us a clue as to your priorities in life. Relationships should be built on an agape love...yes, beyond race and within soul. I dare say you and your intended have what appears to be a foundationless relationship and I fail to believe that there is one single Black Woman who would be envious of that!

I also find it interesting that you state that Black men wined and dined and gave you the world and go on to say that Black Women should change themselves to gain those same benefits. What a whitewashed fantasy you live in! The fact is, from early on in the history of Black Women in this country, Black Sisters have had to endure and survive tribulations that should compel the likes of us white women, to view them in the highest regard, yet it is evident in your letter that we don't.

You speak from the pedestals of our sheltered lives. You sit there in all your ignorant "glory", too far up there on the white man-made pedestal of life, that began during the plantation days and continues through modern day times, and dare exude arrogance as if you are someone? Wake up, dear woman, come down off the pedestal and take a real look at life. Not recognizing the tribulations endured by Black Women should fill you with shame . Instead you chastise them for their courage. The strength of Black Women should manifest admiration and respect from you as our lack of experience has hindered us from ever knowing the potency of that strength!

You ask what is so appealing about us? In fact, you beg for reinforcement of your own insecurities when you ask to hear 'why you are so appealing' from Black Men. Foolish woman!!!! The appeal is that white woman, without the education FROM our Black Sisters, demand far less of and for ourselves than they do. Believe this...WITHOUT them and their guidance, we become you.

I too am angry, but my anger stems from your arrogance. Wake up my dear, get a real grip on reality. Better yet, GET GOD and get humbled. Step down out of the clouds and realize, as you smugly look down on the world....the higher up you believe yourself to be, the lonelier and more painful the fall to reality is. Believe me when I say, your reality check will come during your lifetime....through your children!

Elayna A. Monts

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